40 Weeks

at Southdale yesterday, to maybe trick my body into labor because we went there to walk while I was in labor with Annie... no dice yet.

I will preface this ENTIRE post which is basically filled with complaining that I am well aware that I am extremely lucky to have so far had a healthy pregnancy with a healthy baby. I am very grateful for that, and I do not forget that even as I mope about not having had the baby yet. I thought I wouldn't care because I do know that babies are far easier on the inside than the outside, but now at 40 weeks pregnant I find myself questioning that statement a bit... I guess I don't have to change diapers or deal with random crankiness, but I do have to be sore and uncomfortable and going kind of nuts. So yeah, I'll take the baby on the outside at this point, thanks :) And yes, I also know that I am only just now to my due date. Thanks. Right now, life is just in a holding pattern until this kid is born, which is a very weird and boring place to be.

Also, this is very long and rambling. Apparently I have many feelings and thoughts about being 40 weeks pregnant :)


Due Date: February 27, 2012. Oh hello, TODAY. Really didn't think I'd see you without a newborn baby out of me already! Having your 2nd child later than your 1st really does seem to be a special form of torture. I feel for my mom who was 3 weeks early with me and 2 weeks late with my younger sister. It's funny also that I can totally realize that it's all just a guess, and that having my first "a few days early" and my second "a few days late" (HOPEFULLY JUST A FEW DAYS, OMG) really is no big deal, but in the moment? Pretty excruciating. On the plus side? I no longer care AT ALL if he comes on Leap Day :)

Repeating to myself often right now: "I will not be pregnant forever"

Weight Gain: My weekly appointment isn't until tomorrow, but I probably gained a few more pounds and maybe will have gained like 80 pounds by the time this marathon pregnancy is over. (Just kidding, but kind of hoping not to top 40 pounds gained)

Random stranger comment of the week (in the kitchen at work, as where most comments are made, hence me trying to avoid eye contact there at all costs): Her: "When are you due?" Me: "Next Monday" Her: "Oh, your weight gain is very concentrated! Do the doctors tell you that too?" ................. Me: Blank stare. I mean, thanks lady, for telling me I don't have a fat face, but really? No. We do not discuss the concentration of my weight gain.

Symptoms: Really not much, honestly, so I can't complain. I'm just basically uncomfortable and sore at all points of my life right now, doing anything. I guess I'm also feeling a bit reflux-y sometimes, which just started happening in the last week, but really only seems to happen right before I go to bed so isn't bad. Still waking up 1-2x to pee, and a million times to flip over.

Also, and this basically goes without saying I think, but I'm pretty much over the top irritable at everyone... I obviously know people are just excited and care, but I'd reallllllllly love to just crawl into a hole and sleep until this baby comes out, avoiding texts and well meaning emails and messages and all of it. I vary between not caring too much when I get a text asking if I'm in labor, or telling me that today would be a good day to have a baby, and blinding, fiery rage. Basically I vary between those emotions all the time - if I can stay distracted, I'm fine, so getting out of the house is key, but I don't REALLY want to actually see or talk to anyone other than Ben or Annie. We've been going out to eat a lot.

Labor signs: None. Feeling nothing. Just still with the super intense cervix pressure sometimes, but not always. Not a single contraction, no... anything else. Again, appointment is tomorrow and I think they may do an internal then and I will also discuss stripping membranes at that point. Unless I have no progress and they can't, which will mean I will cry big tears, despite KNOWING that means nothing. Every time I wake up and go to the bathroom and I'm not feeling anything I get pretty disappointed. That's the most irrational part right now - I feel like every day I DON'T have the baby right now, I'm disappointing everyone, including myself, Ben and Annie. I know that is not true, but I still feel that way. Especially because I can't call or text ANYONE right now without them immediately thinking I'm in labor.

I feel very celebrity like because I know pretty much all my family and friends are stalking me on the interwebs. I was feeling pressure to post frequently on twitter and to be on g-chat so people could check my status, but then a few people started freaking out when I went more than 4 hours without posting so I decided I'm basically not going to post anything until this kid comes, and I also made myself invisible on g-chat. I don't want to avoid EVERYONE, I just don't want the chats when I sign on that say "Oh, I was hoping you were in labor". REALLY? ME TOO.

What's different this time: Oh, just the big one that I'm STILL PREGNANT. I have already informed Annie that she is my favorite child for coming early ;)

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing really gets me too thrilled right now. Kind of depressing to have to go grocery shopping and still buy food because we NEED to stop going out to eat every night. I also felt sad eating a few of my muffins this weekend that are MEANT for my maternity leave, but I just... really wanted one :(

Sleep: I actually have had a few nights of very good sleep (as in, I sleep at all), and a few satisfying naps. Sleep is a double edged sword because I can forget somewhat about my woes, but then also just really really hope to be awoken with horrible pain or my water breaking. What an odd wish.

I am loving: my beloved first-born :) She has been so cute and sweet lately. There was a few days of crazy tantrums but they were mostly funny. Ben's taken her out a few times and reported that she's just so good and nice to people so that's always fun. She definitely has her toddler moments (tantrums over no more pennies to throw in the mall fountain for example) but overall she's just been such a fun kid, and it's nice to have at least one person in my life who really has NO CLUE what's going on basically :)

Oh, also she has started to seem to GET more than there is a baby that's coming out - she gave me a hug one day, and then said, "baby too??"" and gave my belly a hug. I got the cutest little hat for the baby from my coworker Shannon, and Annie kept insisting on laying in on my belly "for the baby" :)

A ton of people in internet-land seem to have recently had their 2nd children, boys, with their firsts being girls around Annie's age - I get super excited to see their photos of their girls holding their baby brothers but it also just makes me a bit more sad that he's not out yet. I know my time will come... and actually most of them were even past their due dates too, so it gives me hope that he WILL come out soon :)

This is a random tidbit, but I'm also loving the semi-cheesy song "A thousand years" by Christina Perri (which I was informed by Liz is the Twilight wedding song. Sad). Ever since Julia used it for her gender reveal video, I've associated it with pregnancy and I basically listened to it on repeat several times this week and got a bit weepy.

I miss: right now, just want to be able to be comfortable even just laying on the couch watching a movie. Or sitting at a table. I can't wait to be able to slouch again!

I am looking forward to: the obvious. However, my immediate goal is that I am having Liz come over to watch Annie tonight so Ben and I can enjoy a DUE date :) Get it?? Thanks to my friend Marianne for that suggestion. I just arranged it this weekend because I really couldn't even fathom that it could be necessary, but alas, here we are. Nothing crazy, just going out to eat (again) but hey, it's something.

I'm spazzing about: I've been able to remain fairly calm, but I do spaz sometimes about JUST wanting him out so I can stop worrying about all the unknowns, and start worrying about him OUT of the womb and post-labor & delivery. I'm not spazzing at all yet about the possibility of induction, I know I still have a lot of time before that would need to come to pass.

Best thing about this week: definitely being done in the office! It honestly was a nice distraction, but I'm glad to go into hibernation and so lucky to be able to work from home until I deliver.

Also, I got a supposed "labor inducing" massage from the place I went to prenatal yoga - obviously did not work, but it felt really good at least.

Ben also decided we can get a monthly cleaning service - we've gotten deep cleans a few times, and were planning on doing so again very soon, but then he informed me we are going to do this monthly too - yay! He said it's his push present... to himself :)

Milestones: reaching my due date. A milestone I would have been all too happy to never see :)

Movement: I got a CRAZY video earlier this week - it probably took me 50 tries to get a video of Annie moving in my belly a tiny bit, and I hadn't even tried this pregnancy at all. One night I was just laying on my back in bed and he was going crazy, so I whipped out the iPhone and recorded it for 45 seconds and got a ton of movement including a crazy alien like limb sweeping across the whole belly. So I was pretty pleased about that :) Another night, he literally moved around for nearly 2 hours non-stop. Last night while I was attempting to relax and watch a television program, he again was moving painfully the entire time no matter my position. So yeah, movement has not slowed down. At this point especially, if I go even 15 minutes of sitting still without feeling anything I definitely start to completely freak out. Most of the time it's actually quite painful. While I'm obviously glad he's moving, really I just want him to just come out, where he can move all he wants without physically harming me anymore.

It's a...: boy

Exercise/Diet: I did my long skyway walks every single day, to no avail :)