19 Months

Dear Annie,

Another month gone by, and I really do think this is my favorite stage yet - which is what I've pretty much been saying since the beginning, but these last few weeks solidified it for me! You seem to have a few less tantrums than you did even a few weeks ago, but they will ebb and flow throughout the next few years I'm sure. Right now though, we are enjoying a very happy and laid back little girl that is almost always pretty content! Even Sue your daycare lady talks about what a great kid you are, and how lucky we are to have you - we certainly know that! I'm sure you are quite the easy kid for her - you do have your opinions, that's for sure, but you can also go with the flow after a few seconds. So far, you aren't too aggressive with other kids, although you will watch for an opening with a toy and grab it when another kid isn't looking, that's for sure. You play by yourself really amazingly. Rarely do you need or want interaction from us, even if we are right there staring at you. We can do our thing and you do yours, but luckily you are pretty amenable to reading books (as long as YOU choose them) and singing songs together so we can still get our fill of time with you!

Probably my favorite thing about you is your facial expressions - they are seriously HILARIOUS. The best is when you hear a noise, and your eyes get huge and you make an "o" with your mouth and go "ooooooooooooh, what's that??" You have gotten more and more into YELLING and laughing REALLY loud, almost fakely, lately. It's awesome.

Your opinions definitely stretch to food still - you have your favorites and they are pretty consistent. You've gotten more and more into examining food and removing offending pieces, such as a piece (TINY, TINY piece) of tomato on a quesadilla. Some still manages to sneak in, but apparently you are FIRMLY in the no thanks vegetables stage of your life. Again, you aren't angry about this - you just eat what you want, then immediately say "ALL DONE" (which sounds like - ag gok - not sure where you got THAT pronunciation, but whatever!) and push your plate away, and then sign "all done" too. When you are done, you are done. If we try to feed you a few bites, usually you just say "nooooooooo" or take the bite and then spit it out like 2 minutes later. So we definitely just let you decide what and how much to eat out of the options we give you and that's that. There have been more than a few nights where you only drink milk, but thankfully you are fine with that, probably due to the massive quantities of food you apparently eat at daycare!

Thankfully, the sleep issues we were experiencing for quite a long time have seemed to resolve themselves. I'm so glad, and maybe this has something to do with your improved mood too - you aren't waking up randomly to scream a few times a night anymore! It does still happen, but it is by far the exception and not the rule. You go to bed at 7:30, sometimes taking up to an hour or more to actually FALL asleep and sometimes going right to sleep immediately, and typically wake up around 7:15... although you have taken to laying there silently in your crib just kind of waking up for awhile, and then talking to yourself happily for quite a while. This is obviously awesome since it means sometimes we can stay in bed until nearly 8 on weekends! You seem to follow in your parents footsteps of liking some time to adjust to waking up before actually getting out of bed. Naps are short, though, if you nap 1.5 hours that's pretty typical. Anything over 2 hours is absolutely unheard of around our house. Oh well.

Sometimes you can be pretty quiet - like if you are around a lot of noise, or in a new place. Other times, you are jabbering up a storm! Previously I had said that you rarely babbled anymore - now I'm noticing that you do still babble, quite a bit! You're always talking to yourself, with some understandable words mixed in. While your dad and I can understand a lot of what you're saying, and you are saying new words quite a bit, most people probably wouldn't be able to understand what you're talking about JUST yet. Lots of new words again this month - my personal favorite being "toot" :) You still mostly use 1 and sometimes 2 word phrases - pointing out the various objects you see - car! ball! water! milk! banana! etc. No real sentences yet! You have started finishing off a few phrases - like 1, 2 - and you'll say "3!" and "sit... down".

This month I feel like you've progressed ALMOST to running, but your body moves a bit faster than your feet will go, so you still fall. New this month is that you don't actually cry when you fall - you just get up, even if you scrape yourself a bit. You still cry with some tumbles, mostly if you are already in a bit of a mood, such as during diaper changes. You try to jump but don't actually get any air, and love to stop and bounce around to dance a bit to music you hear.

You've mastered quite a few of the toys we have - simple puzzles, the pound and roll tower, and the shape sorter. You also love to buckle things, and to climb in and out of your booster seat if it's on the porch. You still love your doll and pull toys, and this month have also loved the 4 tiny little farm animals. You enjoy carrying them around and arranging them in various locales around the house. We aren't always QUITE sure what's going on in your little brain as you play, but rest assured - you are doing exactly what you are supposed to at that moment :) It's really amazing to watch you as you do your thing!

Love you, my little bunk!

Mom

itsy bitsy spider...

down came the rain

and out came the sun! :)

Deep thoughts on parenthood

Oh angry toddler photos! They really are just hilarious :)

A few people shared this article with me from NPR today:

Parenthood Got You Down? You're Not Alone

I was going to just share it on twitter, but I wanted a bit more space to elaborate on my thoughts on the subject. I have seen quite a few of these types of articles lately - namely one other one from the New York Times Magazine a few months ago - All Joy and No Fun - Why Parents Hate Parenting.

So yes, I think we can all agree that parenting (especially parenting a baby/toddler) is not a ball of fun at every moment, or even most moments. I feel like I've thankfully built a little community around myself that is very open and honest about the ups and downs of the entire process of parenting - from getting pregnant, staying pregnant, dealing with a newborn, and now all the bipolarity of a toddler in addition to expanding one's family. So I've never really had any illusions that anyone thought parenting was "fun", or that the journey to get there was easy.

I think that a large part of this community is because I myself am a very honest and open person - if you are that way to others, they respond in kind. I'm pretty sure a lot of my friends maybe aren't as open with everyone in their lives as they are to me, just because I invite that kind of conversation frequently. Not only in real life, but here on this blog, I've always been honest to a fault, including when I admitted to thoughts of wanting to trade newborn Annie in for a better model, that got me plenty of horrified emails from the Grandparents. Don't worry - if you'll recall, I reconsidered and she's thankfully here to stay ;) I'm so thankful to have such a great village of people around me so that I don't have to feel alone when I'm super frustrated and yes, ANGRY that Annie won't even take a BITE of food, or is staring at me defiantly as she throws her sippy cup of milk across the room after I asked her 1000 times to put it on the table NICELY and GENTLY.

HOWEVER - I will say that I think this topic has been talked about enough now for awhile. This is just life, people. It's all good... and bad. A little of both. Yeah, parenting isn't all great, but seriously? It's not THAT bad. There are lots of fun moments and if you aren't having ANY fun, you probably need to just chill out for awhile, especially if you and your family are healthy and have a roof over your head that you can afford. You are fine. It's also okay for people to share the good things too - without worry or fear that it'll come across as bragging. I really don't like people (or blogs for that matter) that veer heavily in the direction of one (life is always perfect!) or the other (life succkkkkkkkkkkkkks, wah wah) but continuing to share and talk about both the ups and the downs of parenting will hopefully make this journey a lot better for all of us.

14 Weeks

At the fair! With a little bonus. Just sitting in the street, because why not? Clearly I should have used my other arm to hold my pronto pup, but oh well. Thankfully, you can still see my poochy belly.

Now I can finally start linking some comparisons to my last pregnancy (since I waited way longer to come out on the blog that time). Compare to my announcement post from 14 Weeks, 5 Days pregnant with Annie. Also, compare to my belly pic at the fair with my pronto pup at 17 Weeks, 4 Days last time. Yup, looks pretty much the same even though I'm a month further along :)

Due Date: February 27, 2012

Weight Gain: Zero, or maybe even down a few pounds, thanks to the puking and small appetite. My sister commented that I'm looking skinny, which really actually isn't what I want to hear at 14 weeks pregnant, but, I guess I'll take it.

Symptoms: Many. Nausea and vomiting (although as I mentioned, significantly better toward the end of the week versus the beginning), insomnia, short of breath with minimal physical activity (already?!?), intestinal issues, stuffy nose at night, headaches (although they get better when I have my daily caffeine allotment), exhaustion.... I think that's it.

What's different this time: Definitely feeling worse than I was at this point with Annie, but hopefully I'll turn the corner soon. Also, feeling kind of..... bored? with this pregnancy since there's nothing really to obsess about in terms of preparation for having the child. We don't need anything new other than a double stroller which I've obsessed about enough for now.

Cravings: Cereal, tortilla chips

Aversions: Burgers :( I can handle a few bites but that's about it. Burgers are around a lot, I've noticed.

Sleep: Meh. I still can sleep on my stomach but I've started getting paranoid about it, and I'm starting to be able to kind of feel my uterus poking out so now it feels mean to lay on it. Even though I KNOW the wee one is fine and protected in there. So now I'm doing the awkward half on stomach, half on my side that isn't very comfy. Sleep is elusive.

I am loving: The weather lately - it's been beautiful! Really trying to soak in these last few weeks of summer.

I miss: Same ole, same ole. This week I've had a few pangs of missing excessive caffeine consumption and sushi.

I am looking forward to: 3 day weekend at home with the family! Glad to be staying in town and not having too many plans.

I'm spazzing about: Oh, all the fun stuff... when will I feel movement? Is everything okay in there? Why am I still able to semi-comfortably lay on my stomach? IS EVERYTHING OKAY!?!??!?!! Please let me go back to the midwife soon!!! (appointment one week and one day away)

Best thing about this week: Going to the state fair on Saturday, and allowing myself a vanilla latte every single day as a treat for merely existing :)

Milestones: 2nd TRIMESTER! FINALLY!

Movement: See "I'm spazzing about" - why am I spazzing about this at 14 weeks? Oh, just because other 2nd time moms are already feeling movement, so why aren't I?!?! Remind my crazy brain that I didn't even feel Annie until around 20 weeks. I'm only 14 weeks. I may again have an anterior placenta (in the front) which makes feeling movement a bit more difficult. Baby might like to hang in the back area of the uterus. NO REASON TO FREAK OUT ABOUT MOVEMENT YET. That is a message directly to my brain. Thanks.

It's a...: Don't know, but we've settled on both a girl and boy name that we are completely happy with, so now I don't feel so much like it's DEFINITELY a girl because we didn't have a name anymore.

Exercise: Walked the fair. Took Annie to the Children's Museum alone which for me is a workout.

Diet:Uh, went to the fair :) So, yeah, obviously my diet was awesome this week.

7 Posts

Both Julia and Kristal "tagged" me in this "7 posts meme" and I found it a really fun way to look back through my experience as a blogger. Nearly all of the posts I chose are from after I was pregnant with Annie, which was when I stopped only posting photos and meals we ate, and started actually writing sometimes. Hard to believe that I've been writing in this blog for over 3 years now. Randomly, this is also my 500th post! How serendipitous. Anyway, here we go. Clearly I am unable to pick one post for each category, so you all get to enjoy a few :)

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What this is about:
To unite bloggers (from all sectors) in a joint endeavor to share lessons learned and create a bank of long but not forgotten blog posts that deserve to see the light of day again.

Rules:
1) Blogger is nominated to take part
2) Blogger publishes his/her 7 links on his/her blog – 1 link for each category.
- Your most beautiful post
– Your most popular post
– Your most controversial post
– Your most helpful post
– A post whose success surprised you
– A post you feel didn’t get the attention it deserved
– The post that you are most proud of

3) Blogger nominates up to 5 more bloggers to take part.
4) These bloggers publish their 7 links and nominate another 5 more bloggers
5) And so it goes on!
6) The site Trip Base is sharing the best posts from participating bloggers on their blog and everyday on Facebook and Twitter at #My7Links

- Your most beautiful post

This is a tough call. In terms of the beauty of the actual words themselves, I think the only post I've ever written that would even come close to qualifying for this one is the one I wrote right after I weaned Annie from nursing completely. It really is a great summary of one of my favorite parts of motherhood so far. Reading it makes me really look forward to nursing again!

In terms of the beauty of the photographs IN the post, I think the posts from our trip to Europe in May of 2009 are the ones I am most proud of. I certainly took enough, and spent FOREVER editing them, which I rarely do anymore. You really can't go wrong with photos of Europe, that's for sure!

– Your most popular post

By FAR, my most popular post based on number of views is my freezer meals post. The next most popular post has only 13% of the page views of that one, so it's not even remotely close, but my 2nd most popular post based on views is the pregnancy announcement post from Annie.

I am definitely not a blogger that receives a lot of comments, ever, but the post I received the most comments and emails about was my pregnancy announcement with #2, with 32 comments.

Following closely behind in page views is the post I wrote on meals for new parents, and Annie's 1st birthday party, both of which come up fairly high in google searches.

– Your most controversial post

Oh, yeah, definitely not one for controversy, on my blog at least. I have my fair share of VERY strong opinions, and likely many that would piss some people off, but I don't write about them here. The closest thing I can even think of for this is the times I've vaguely referenced my own parenting choices in some of my weekly posts, or in this question and answer post where I answered some more personal questions. But yeah - I've never had a post on my blog that caused me to get angry emails or comments. However, I LOVE reading controversial blog posts and the following comments because I seem to enjoy getting myself riled up over the internet. This is the reason I can't quit message boards...

A post I wrote that wasn't exactly controversial, but is counter to most of what is written in the "mommy blogosphere" (ugh) was this post I wrote on being a working mom. I will say it loud and proud again - I love being a working mom! We probably could afford to have me stay at home, and yet I still don't. I have never once had even a fleeting moment of feeling like I'm missing my child's life or that I'm abandoning her. Apparently I have a lot of thoughts on this topic and perhaps should revisit it at some point.

– Your most helpful post

In my humble opinion, I have a great many extremely helpful posts, due to my love of giving advice (assvice? Maybe.) Obviously, the freezer meals post is helpful to many given it's popularity. If you happen to be traveling to the same locale as I did, you get to benefit from the extensive travel research I do in any of my travel posts. Particularly, this post from my Mexico trip, the Portland posts, and again the Europe posts are great for the sheer number of ideas they'd give a person who was traveling to those places.

Here are a few other very helpful posts...

How to meal plan

My photo management system and the other photography post from my Q&A series.

– A post whose success surprised you

Um, I don't know that I'd call any of my posts "successful"... but I am often surprised by how often I hear about people going back through my weekly and monthly posts to Annie to read about what I was going through at the stage they are at with their own child. I'm glad that people enjoyed reading those posts so much, I know I love it when I read those types of posts from other bloggers as well! While none of my posts get a TON of comments, people in my life tell me a lot how much they appreciate these posts which gives me warm fuzzies.

– A post you feel didn’t get the attention it deserved

I DO get sad when posts of mine that I put a lot of work into don't get many comments, but oh well. One post that I liked a lot and wanted more feedback on was the Baby must haves post I did. It did get some really great comments which of course I loved, but what can I say... I wanted more :)

– The post that you are most proud of

This is again hard to quantify - because the actual BLOG POSTS themselves that I am most proud of would probably be the ones listed in the most helpful category above, because I put a lot of time into them and am happy they helped people. However, I am choosing to think of this as life events that I am proud of.

I guess I could get all predictable and say that I was most proud of Annie's birth story... but no. While I didn't write too much about my actual personal life before I had Annie (and I guess beyond my child, I still don't really), truly one of the things I am most proud of was finishing my master's program. It represented 3 long years of really dedicating myself to changing careers from advertising to career counseling, and I am extremely proud of doing that successfully. At the time I finished my program, I had gotten my current job, and would soon be done planning an enormous professional association conference as a brand new board member of said professional association. I had volunteered at a crisis hotline every single Sunday afternoon of my life for the past 2 years to get some counseling experience. I often wonder what I did before I had Annie, and then I remember - oh yeah. All that. Finishing my program still remains one of the happiest days of my life! Less stressful than my wedding day, and less physically exhausting than giving birth, so it wins out still :)

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Blogs I nominate to participate in this - I tried to pick people who might actually have posts that would fit in these categories, and only picked people who I think would actually see this post. I picked 6 - sue me :)

Navigating the Mothership

A Graceful Disaster

Moments and Impressions

E is for Erin

No Smoke Without Pryor

The Domestic Wannabe

Life lately

Remember how I said I "wasn't feeling that nauseous"? Well, apparently me writing that made the universe spit on me, and I felt like total and complete ASS (yes, I broke out a swear word for this situation) on Monday and Tuesday of this week, completely with evening vomiting sessions both nights. This also happened last Monday. So yeah, not completely over The Sickness just yet. I even stayed home on Tuesday because I was feeling so completely and totally awful on Monday, and napped the ENTIRE afternoon but STILL felt awful on Tuesday night. I have no idea what was up, but dang. I was angry at the world.

BUT! Today is a new day. Today, I feel, dare I say, normal? (Universe, please don't spit on me again!) I was careful with my food intake. I decided after laying awake for a long time last night that I'd just turn my alarm off because that messes with my head, and I still wake up naturally only maybe 30 minutes later than my alarm. For some reason, that 30 minutes means a lot. I got home from work and didn't need a nap! I ate dinner! (Yes, it was leftover macaroni and cheese, but I ate it, and it stayed down) We went for a WALK after dinner! OMG!!!!!!!! Life will go on. I hope that I continue to have more days like today, and less days like Monday and Tuesday. Maybe, hopefully, I'll feel completely normal all the time soon.

I'm taking this opportunity (of having a rare bout of energy) to share a few recent photos and stories with you. After being on the fritz for quite some time, my kit lens for my camera has finally bit the dust after Annie dropped it a few inches. (Stupid me for leaving it on the floor - but better than dropping from table height, I guess) I took this opportunity to upgrade to a more all purpose 18-200 lens, and I'm also considering upgrading my 50mm to the 1.4 versus my kind of broken 1.8. I'm getting the 18-200 tomorrow and I'm really excited to try it out! The reviews were very good, especially for people like me who aren't hyper concerned with every detail being the sharpest possible zoomed in at 1000x, and since I use my Speedlite flash indoors I think it'll work great. I'm excited to have that extra zoom. Now I just have to keep Annie AWAY from my camera, and be more careful with it so this one doesn't break too! So that's my little photography update.

A few photos from the weekend...

My nephew and niece! My how they've grown since this...

Grace at the baby shower that I pictured briefly in my 13 Weeks post. I ROCKED the baby shower games - I won BOTH the baby trivia game, and the guess the belly size, but forfeited my prize for the 2nd since I am kind. Didn't bring Annie because of the long drive and interference with nap time, and plus sometimes outings sans toddler sure are nice...

Oh how I miss this! So excited to get to cuddle a wee baby again (even though Sam is not so wee anymore)

We had lots of fun at Rett's 30th birthday party on Sunday

This little toy for 6 month olds enthralled these 3 (1.5, 2.5 and 3.5) for a LONG time :)

Family portrait!

Annie and I had fun coloring. Why yes, Annie CAN draw and label all of her shapes. OBVIOUSLY!

Annie has been obsessed with this tiny little animals from the $1 bin at Target lately - we got them for favors for her birthday, and had one left over. She cares about no other toy in the house other than these right now!

She arranges them in various places. Then picks them up (sometimes wrapped in an old rag) and arranges them somewhere else. What a strange child.

Whenever I bust out my 50mm, I'm so glad I did... and am reminded that it's still broken (focuses only like 50% of the time and VERY slowly) so I need to get a new one... joy.

Still a psycho with the lens cap!

On Monday, when I was feeling horrible, Ben took Annie on a bike ride to Izzy's... she looks like a total hot mess, but clearly she loved it :)

13 Weeks

Oh hey, I finally got a haircut! It had been since... April :) This was at a baby shower in a very picturesque rural Minnesota setting.

Due Date: February 27, 2012

Weight Gain: ?

Symptoms: Still really don't feel good a lot of the time. While I'm not super nauseous, I'm just exhausted, have a slight headache, and still am dealing with a lot of intestinal issues. I'll leave it at that. I'm at the stage where I'm just so over feeling like crap. I feel like I'll never feel normal again, will never have energy again, etc. I never got that wonderful burst of energy in the second trimester with Annie, so I don't expect it this time, it probably will just be a gradual thing where maybe, someday, I'll be able to stay awake after work without a nap until 10pm. I also am needing to pee all the time and feel like I always kind of have to pee - can never really fully empty my bladder. Sometimes before I go to bed, I pee 3 times in a row to try to get it all out :) I've also been having some lovely melodramatic moments where I cry about things that really are not cry-worthy. Fun!

What's different this time: How much bigger I look, or really just FEEL, this time. When I look at my 13 week pic from last time, I guess I look about the same... in the MORNING that is. See below for JUST how huge I can make myself look by afternoon. Luckily I am not one to get too upset about things like this. I still don't really feel like I'm eating a ton so I doubt I'm gaining actual weight, which is good.

Cravings: Um, nothing is springing to mind. Food still isn't among my list of favorite things.

Aversions: Most meat. Except deli meat, of course. Sigh...

Sleep: Meh. Some nights I just lay there with my stomach feeling kind of off (maybe hungry? Maybe a bit nauseous? Maybe some of the intestinal issues mentioned earlier.) But just feeling crappy enough that I can't fall asleep and stay asleep. Both days this weekend, Ben insisted on getting up before Annie was even making any noise which meant I woke up too.

I am loving: Umm....... yeah. I love my friends and my family. My life in general is great.

I miss: Lately, I've been nostalgic for our kid-free life. I spent an evening watching Sex & the City and was reminded of how I used to have it on at my apartment in the background for most of the weekend while my roommate and I would hang out, hungover. I don't necessarily MISS my life then, my life now is great, but... just the unencumbered nature of that life was nice.

I am looking forward to: On that note, I'm still looking forward to my girls weekend trip to Scottsdale, AZ in a few weeks - it'll be really amazing to have a nice spa day, and a full weekend of no responsibilities.

I'm spazzing about: I'm in between midwife appointments, my next one isn't until 15 weeks, 1 day, so I'm a little spazzy that I don't have the 100% certainty that things are going okay. Yeah, I still feel like crap, but I'm not feeling movement yet, so thus getting a little paranoid. Trying to not focus on that too much, and I've been pretty successful about that.

Best thing about this week: Annie was really fun all weekend - she was in good spirits, ate well, slept in, said funny things, cuddled voluntarily a few times, and was very entertaining to watch play. She's so good about entertaining herself and really always has been, so weekends like this make me excited to have another one... who probably will be the exact opposite of Annie in every way :)

Milestones: Last week of the first trimester...

Movement: Have been feeling some questionable things in my lower abdomen, but given the other symptoms I have, who the heck knows.

It's a...: Won't find out for awhile, but I've been feeling a bit sad that everyone will probably be kind of ho-hum if this little one is another girl. Not disappointed, per se, just not surprised or really excited. I'll have to just be extra thrilled to make up for it :) My sisters-in-law (3 of them) think it's a boy because Ben's family goes girl-boy-girl-boy-girl. Very logical reasoning, of course :)

Exercise: Hell to the no.

Diet: I ate, some. Some was probably marginally nutritious.

Here is my huge ass belly pic - to show that yes, I really can look VERY pregnant if I try. I was pulling the dress tight here, and kind of sticking my belly out, but not really. And yes, I shamelessly copied this photo idea from here. This would be beautiful... if I was 6 months pregnant. However, I am 3. So, thus it is just kind of scary :)

Flashback: 11 Weeks

Last of the flashback posts! I hope these were somewhat entertaining or useful to someone, but if not, oh well, they're over now :) This one was written just a day before the big announcement post.

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at the Minnesota Zoo

Due Date: February 27, 2012

Weight Gain: didn't weigh myself at all this week

Symptoms: Much, much better thanks to the blessed drug unisom. Seriously I feel like a whole different person. I am still feeling a LITTLE gaggy, but didn't throw up at all, am sleeping a lot better, and can eat almost normally. I get very very bloated by the end of the day and seriously feel like I look 5-6 months pregnant then.

What's different this time: Gave in to the drugs and it feels so good.

Cravings: Ate at 2 food trucks this week and actually pretty much enjoyed the experience!

Aversions: Taking my pills makes me really gaggy. Especially the uncoated B6 tablets.

Sleep: Much better with the unisom but I'm still not really sleeping through the night at all - I definitely lay awake for large portions of the night but I feel okay during the day. Still getting up once a night to pee, usually when Ben comes upstairs to bed - since I go to bed around 9, he comes up around 11 or 12, I pee and then I'm fine til morning.

I am loving: That we have now told almost all good friends and family - so I can be open about my life to pretty much everyone I talk to!

I miss: Not much this week since I'm feeling pretty good. I guess I miss eating deli meat completely guilt free, but, uh, yeah I've eaten a lot this pregnancy so I can't really say that I've been MISSING it, Bob.

I am looking forward to: Midwife appointment TOMORROW....

I'm spazzing about: ... which is definitely turning me into a spaz. Trying to keep calm today, and remind myself that "chances are good that everything will be fine" and if not, we'll deal with it.

Best thing about this week: Telling my high school friends, sister, and the rest of Ben's family - lots of happy reactions there which was awesome!

Milestones: Nothing really, I don't think.

Movement: There were a few times that I had a particularly active gas bubble that felt like movement but I KNOW it's still far too early to feel anything... right...?? right??? I think yes - too early. Who knows what I was feeling, but it wasn't consistent enough for me to label it as movement just yet.

It's a...: ?

Exercise: Walked a lot this weekend - went to the zoo, and walked with Laura and Nathan a ton last night, so I feel good about exercise. Might start looking into prenatal yoga pretty soon.

Diet: A lot better - ate veggies and ate pretty normal meals thanks to the drugs!

Flashback: 10 Weeks

So I guess I DIDN'T take unisom after that last post I wrote... geez, I really held out on that for awhile, now that I look back. Even though last time I obviously made it through the whole time without drugs, I'm so glad I gave in this time! I think it was a few days after this post was written. I'm also including another of the flashback posts in this one below, written after I started taking unisom, so I can crank them out before my next real weekly post on Monday.

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Due Date: February 27, 2012

Weight Gain: didn't weigh myself at all this week

Symptoms: Bad again - felt like crap all week. Vomited once, maybe twice. It's getting hard to keep track. Thankfully there at least wasn't as much painful gas or constipation this week. Work is pretty tough. I tried to nap for 20 minutes one day in our Wellness Room but the floor really just wasn't that comfortable.

What's different this time: No time to nap - so really I am absolutely spent by the time I get home from work but can't nap, so feel even worse. Evenings are SO hard on weeknights. By 10 weeks last time, we had already heard the heartbeat TWICE on the doppler due to the timing of my appointments - I'm definitely missing that reassurance, but I know it obviously doesn't change the outcome.

Cravings: Bland food, still. I'd really love an actual craving where I really WANT to eat something. That would be nice. I guess ice cream still tastes pretty good.

Aversions: Still, most everything. A burger was particularly hard to stomach this weekend.

Sleep: A few pretty bad nights which resulted in my first headaches of the pregnancy. Luckily over the weekend I was able to rest enough for them to go away.

I am loving: Again, Ben - doing everything, all the time. He's awesome. I also love Annie's big sister shirt - I think it's so cute!

I miss: Still energy and my appetite.

I am looking forward to: Telling my sister and Ben's parents - hopefully by this weekend! Also, telling my high school friends on Wednesday, provided I can stay awake for that gathering.

I'm spazzing about: Nothing really. Too tired and sick to spaz. Oh, I guess I did have a spaz session when my midwife appointment had to be delayed by almost a WEEK because of a stupid work meeting. Which really literally NEVER happens - I'm just not that important. Again, I know it doesn't change the outcome, but I still was obviously really looking forward to it! Now the appointment isn't until I'm 11 weeks, 1 day.

Best thing about this week: Telling my parents and Becca! Even if their reactions were..... um....... kind of blah :) I know they really ARE excited, it's just not that shocking when you have a 2nd kid apparently!

Milestones: Double digit weeks! I thought this pregnancy would fly by, but so far it hasn't at all and the first trimester still feels like it's crawwwwwwwwling. I hope once I feel better time starts to speed up a bit!

Movement: Nope.

It's a...: ?

Exercise: The closest thing to exercise was walking to the upstairs of the cabin from the lake. I was winded after that for about 10 minutes.

Diet: I ate a few vegetables in the form of a salad - huge!

Flashback: 10 Weeks, 5 Days

Oh, medication, how I love you. Last time, I avoided any sort of anti-nausea medication, but this time, I finally caved and tried the unisom/B6 combination the nurse had recommended at my 8 week appointment. I was taking just B6 but that didn't seem to be doing anything. After 2 days of no sleeping and raging headaches, I decided to give the unisom before bed a whirl, and oh my goodness, why I didn't take that sooner, I do not know. It's a Category B drug, so it is known to be safe during pregnancy which comforts me obviously. The past few days I've actually felt okay. Not awesome, but okay. No vomiting at all since the crying on the bathroom floor incident, and really not even any dry heaving. I've been able to eat vegetables! Willingly! Not nap after work and NOT be a total mess! So, in summary, unisom is amazing. It's not for everyone, I know it made my neighbor feel really groggy, but for me it helped me to sleep sort of better and mostly made my nausea mostly go away which was perfect. I still definitely have days/nights when I feel worse than others but it's tolerable now which is the main difference.

We finally told all our families yesterday - it feels good to have everyone know! I know tons of people wait until 12+ weeks to tell anyone, but that's not really my style. I still obviously know things can go wrong, but I know I'd tell everyone I've told so far if that were the case anyway. Finally, my midwife appointment is on Tuesday, and I'll be 11 weeks then. It can't come soon enough!

Flashback: 9 Weeks, 3 Days

So, a friend recently expressed some confusion over these flashback posts - when did I write them? Well, I wrote them all when I was at that stage of pregnancy - I just emailed it to myself instead of posting on the blog. So, this one was written back when I was 9 weeks, 3 days pregnant (Today I am 12 weeks, 4 days pregnant). I think this was THE breaking point day where I finally decided to try unisom. So glad I did :) I am still feeling better, not awesome, still pretty exhausted all the time and food still is iffy but it's tolerable now.

Oh, blogger friend Amanda commented on one of my last posts noting that 2012 is a leap year, and "what if the baby is born on February 29th??" - yes, I know :) And let's all hope that doesn't happen. I know some would think it was cool to be a leap year baby, but I would be very sad for only one "real" birthday every 4 years :( REALLY SAD. So, baby, please don't be born on February 29th, for your own sake!

****

This photo is unrelated, but was taken on the same day I wrote this and is cute :)

Today will be a test of my ability to function on barely any sleep (thank you, insomnia!) and might be a two coke day. I try to reserve those for truly special occasions, like I literally cannot make it one second longer if I don't have more caffeine. Luckily cokes have not so much caffeine in them so I am still well under my pregnancy limit.

I am trying to continuously remind myself that I do truly love being pregnant. I am so glad to be pregnant, so so thankful that we are able to get pregnant easily, and I KNOW my sickness/exhaustion could be far worse. I also know that I will not feel this way forever. Right now I'm smack in the middle of it, and it does feel like I've been feeling crappy for so long and I still have sooo far to go... but I know it will end. I will feel better. Here's hoping that happens a tiny bit sooner than it did last time (I remember truly feeling better by 16 weeks but I THINK (hope?) it was a slow process maybeeee starting at like 13 weeks? Please???)

Last night was yet another very rough night. I had to leave work a bit early so I could try to take a nap before Annie got home from daycare. The nap didn't work well because I was too hungry and nauseous, but I still tried. Thankfully Annie is just fine with me laying on the couch - weirdly enough she only gets kind of pissed when I leave to go into the kitchen or something. Dinner didn't stay down and I ended up laying on the floor of the bathroom crying again. I usually am so logical and can tell myself that this is not that big of a deal, but it all got to me last night I guess - feeling like crap all the time, which means I have little patience when dealing with Annie and am really just getting through the days instead of enjoying them. I KNOW that she doesn't mind, but I do. I miss just being able to focus on her and have fun with her, instead of thinking about how I'd really rather be sleeping. 18 months is typically a trying age, and me being pregnant isn't helping, that's for sure.

It is really nice to be able to look back at my pregnancy posts from last time - to remind myself that once this sickness part is over, hopefully the pregnancies WILL stay similar because I had literally no problems for the rest of the time. I was able to have fun, eat things and actually enjoy them... just..... do things. It'll happen again. IT WILL. Obviously this pregnancy is going to be harder than the last because I can't just laze around all day, and take a nap the second I get home from work every day. I have a finite amount of energy - while when I am not pregnant, I'd get a 2nd wind when getting home, now that just doesn't happen and I basically am crashing and burning because I expended all available energy while at work. Let me just say once again how thankful I am that Ben has no problem REALLY stepping up during this time.

It also doesn't help to be waiting..... just waiting.... to get more confirmation that things are okay. Our next appointment is next Wednesday, and we hopefully will hear the heartbeat with the doppler then. I'm definitely a little less nervous than I was last time, but still will be VERY excited to be in the 2nd trimester in a few more weeks.

Flashback: 9 Weeks

First real belly pic of the pregnancy - and a fun one too :) Again, my real-time commentary on this is in italics.

****

Due Date: February 27, 2012 - back 2 days after the ultrasound

Weight Gain: Down a few pounds from my starting weight when I checked at the Graves.

Symptoms: Really bad at the beginning of the week - a few more vomit episodes, pretty violent ones this time. Painful gas and constipation. Extreme fatigue. This weekend was much better (hmm, no toddler to chase after... funny how that works).

What's different this time: Not telling our family yet - it's getting very hard, but I want to wait until after we hear the heartbeat with the doppler to put Annie in her big sister shirt. Obviously, that didn't happen - we told them before that since the appointment got moved back.

Cravings: Jimmy Johns - which I'm giving in to this time, since the nurse said meat from places like that (where the meat goes quickly) is fine.

Aversions: Most things.

Sleep: Up and down - some good nights, some nights where I was awake a lot.

I am loving: That so many of my friends are pregnant with me this time! It'll be fun.

I miss: Still energy and my appetite.

I am looking forward to: Going to the cabin this weekend with Jake and Allison!

I'm spazzing about: Not telling our families yet - I'm worried they'll be kind of upset but I hope they understand - I just want to be able to be really excited when we tell them. Although I know bad things can happen at any time, at least after hearing the heartbeat with the doppler the risk of miscarriage goes way down. I'm also pretty sure 98% of them suspect, but whatever. (Yup, most did suspect, and thankfully no one was mad at me!)

Best thing about this week: Definitely the U2 concert! I'm so shocked I was able to have as much fun as I did - I was really worried it would be a bust, but the adrenaline kept me going big time.

Milestones: Nothing new.

Movement: Still just gas.

It's a...: I'm thinking boy lately. The only semi (not really) logical reason I have is that I heard that Y chromosome sperm fertilize the egg slightly after ovulation and since I measured 8 weeks instead of 8 weeks and 2 days... maybe? I really do not care either way at all though. This is obviously based on nothing resembling fact since I actually have no clue when I ovulated at all because I wasn't charting or taking ovulation kits or anything. So yeah. The only thing that still makes me go "hmm" is that Annie was always measuring slightly ahead at ultrasounds (8 weeks, 3 days vs 8 weeks based on last period - and this kid is right on) Basically... we'll see in early October :)

Exercise: Walked 3 miles from the U2 concert to the hotel! Walked to the park a few times.

Diet: Okay sometimes but mostly bad. Lots of deli meat. Just don't have the energy to fight it this pregnancy apparently.

Flashback: 8 Weeks, 4 Days

For those of you looking for reasons why to NOT get pregnant right now, or ever again, this post should be a good one. Thank the heavens above that I'm not feeling THIS bad anymore, although I did have another run in with the toilet (or actually, I missed, but whatever) last night. Also yes, this is the most pathetic picture ever, but it signifies a few weeks out of our lives so there you have it :)

*****

I've continued to feel pretty crappy this week, and have thrown up a few more times, each time feels more violent and painful than the last. The fatigue is getting to me even more and I'm kind of just feeling like a sad lump. I know thankfully that I had plenty of fun summer times before I started feeling sick, but knowing that in all likelihood, I won't really feel better until mid-September makes me really sad about "missing" this summer, and mostly missing this time with Annie. I know it's but a short blip of time, and she doesn't really seem to care (although is a bit upset when I jump up from the dinner table to run to the bathroom and slam the door) but getting home and immediately laying on the couch instead of really interacting is pathetic. I try to make the times I feel okay count with Annie because she is at a really fun stage right now. My time with her is spent more with me reading her a book or sitting with her and "pretending to go night night" (truly a fun game) more so than chasing her around, but that's fine. It just really isn't fun to feel like this and especially isn't fun to know that it probably won't ease up for at least another month if not 2.

I am trying a few things this time to make myself feel better - taking 50mg of vitamin B6 twice a day, as well as taking colace for my..... intestinal issues, shall we say. Neither are really working yet, but it's only been a few days. I'm hopeful that maybe there will be some relief soon, but not TOO hopeful. In the meantime, it was kind of a relief that the last week was too hot to really even WANT to go outside - made me feel less bad about being a lump on the couch.

The nurse on Monday talked a little bit about the deli meat situation when pregnant - she basically said, heat up meat you might get at places like the deli at a grocery store where it's been sitting out, but places like Subway and Jimmy John's go through so much deli meat that there's very little, if any, risk of listeria from there. She said she's never seen a case of it in her career. I'm SURE it does and has happened, but she told me what I wanted to hear :) So I went with that advice and got a few Jimmy John's sandwiches.... and they were amazing. And I was able to eat the whole thing. And it even had vegetables on it. So that's actually a big win for me. One of her biggest pieces of advice was just eat what sounds good and don't worry about the nutrition. I have massive guilt about all the CSA veggies that are going to waste that I really have no desire to eat, but I'm trying to just let it go. I know Ben is getting really sick of cooking meals that I really am not eating and a lot of the time Annie just picking at too. Fun!

As with everything, this too shall pass. I am still so happy and grateful to be pregnant that I try to remind myself of that at the low times. I am also still in the scary first trimester, and even after a good ultrasound I still am just waiting for our next appointment (at 10 weeks, 2 days - which was moved to 11 weeks, 1 day) to hear the heartbeat again so we can really release the news. I ordered a "I'm going to be a big sister" shirt for Annie, and I haven't decided if I'll try to see our families as soon as it comes or just wait for the appointment. We'll see.

Flashback: 8 Weeks

Still no belly pics, because this was pre-ultrasound, but here we are as a family at Izzy's - because if I could eat nothing else, at least there was still ice cream!

Due Date: February 25, 2012

Weight Gain: Didn't weigh myself at all.

Symptoms: Very nauseous almost all the time. Threw up twice, once in the morning after eating a cracker, once after trying to eat 2 bites of a bolognese sauce Ben made. Nausea seems to be worse in the evenings. Feel extremely gassy all the time, but am pretty constipated. Really tired but not sleeping that solidly. Still up to pee most nights. All around just feel like crap most of the time.

What's different this time: Not much actually - I'm feeling very deja vu with this pregnancy, especially since my due date is just a few weeks after Annie's, so the seasons line up too. Going back and reading my emails to myself from early pregnancy last time and I'm finding that apparently I felt pretty much exactly this same way, except I had more headaches last time. I also was very addicted to ibuprofen last time and thankfully don't have to deal with that this time. I can only hope that the pregnancies will continue to be similar! One thing that is different is that I'm not nearly as obsessive about this pregnancy - I rarely go on message boards and haven't cracked open a single book or looked at a single website other than to figure out my due date.

Cravings: Kraft Macaroni and cheese, bagels, overall crappy food.

Aversions: Anything that could be considered good or healthy.

Sleep: Got a lot better, I gave in to going to bed as soon as I want to, which some nights is 8:30. I still think I'm awake a lot but it's not as bad.

I am loving: just being pregnant - even though I don't feel good right now I'm still really grateful to have gotten pregnant so easily. I am also loving Ben even more than normal because he is just always so understanding and basically is doing everything around the house and for Annie while I am feeling crappy. He's awesome.

I miss: Still energy and my appetite.

I am looking forward to: The ultrasound on Monday and hopefully seeing a healthy baby. I really want to tell our families.

I'm spazzing about: Nothing really, but just am a little sad about probably feeling crappy for the rest of the summer.

Best thing about this week: Told Nate and Molly - it felt good to let the cat out of the bag!

Milestones: I'm not sure - I think baby is developing arms and legs.

Movement: Just painful gas. Yay!

It's a...: Whatever.

Exercise: Only if going down the stairs to pee during the night counts.

Diet: Horrible, but I'm able to have a fruit/spinach smoothie most mornings. Today I choked down part of a salad. I went to Target and stocked up on pregnancy food: jolly ranchers (which have saved me from dry heaves many times already), string cheese, crackers, granola bars, cereal bars, cereal, mac and cheese, PB&J, pretzels. I'm pretty much eating every 1.5-2 hours or I feel horrible.

**I'm also going to combine this with a written account of our 8 week ultrasound, purely for my own records - this happened 2 days after the above was written**

We had our 8 week ultrasound today. As with last time, I was very nervous, but not quite AS nervous as last time. Knowing that my body has the ability to create and sustain a life like Annie is very comforting, it turns out. I still knew there was and is the very real possibility that this pregnancy doesn't work out, but I also know that it's possible that it WILL and that possibility is more likely. Our appointment was at 1pm, so neither of us were particularly productive before that. We got to the office at about 12:45pm, and we were the only people in the waiting room for awhile. Ben was talking about normal things for awhile, so I told him to pipe down because I just didn't want to talk. We got called back by a familiar looking woman, who may have either done our 8 or 20 week ultrasound last time. She asked if it was okay if a med student observed, further making our experiences very similar. We went in and she asked a few questions and we got on with it.

Almost right away, she said "and there's baby, I'll just measure from crown to rump" and I could see the flicker of the heart beating - what a relief. Ben then said "so, is it a boy or a girl?!?" and laughed. Ugh. So annoying sometimes :) The tech couldn't tell he was joking apparently and said "oh it's one or the other! Way too early to tell that" so I told Ben to just not speak for the remainder of the appointment. She then turned on the sound and measured the heartbeat, so we got to hear that, it was at 168. She then moved on and measured my cervix and my ovaries. It lasted about 10 minutes, and as soon as she was done, I texted the few friends I had told to tell them all went well! I measured at exactly 8 weeks - I thought since sometimes I have a 26 day cycle I might be at 8 weeks, 2 days but guess not, so that means my due date is February 27th.

We then met with a nurse which was kind of annoying - since it felt like we'd JUST been over this, and nothing has changed. I got bloodwork today, and I asked if it was simple to be tested to see if I'm a carrier for PKU (just because Becca's kids have it so it'd be kind of nice to know) but she said we'd have to meet with a genetic counselor. Um, no thanks - not like I'm going to do anything different if this baby DOES have PKU, so whatever! We got literally the same packet of information and photo-copied sheets of lists of what not to eat that I got last time too, which I found funny. The nurse asked if I'd be willing to participate in a study on the effects of some chemical on infant development, so I said sure, but I kind of regretted that because it took forever for the woman to explain the study. Right as we were finally walking out, the power went out, so I couldn't make my next appointment and we had to take the stairs. After a brief time of getting lost, we got to the lab where luckily there was no wait and I gave something like 8 vials of blood. Fun! We heard them say that the place was running on generators and that the AC was down - glad we got out of there when we did on this 120 degree day!

12 Weeks

Even though I have more flashback posts, this one is the "correct" one for today - so I'm still posting it. I'll catch up on the rest of the flashback posts this week.

Due Date: February 27, 2012

Weight Gain: At the midwife on Monday, I was pretty much at what I determined was my starting weight, so zero.

Symptoms: Nausea is ok but I still get gaggy sometimes. No throwing up though, thanks to the unisom/B6 combo. Still pretty exhausted most of the time. Still getting up once per night to pee, and feeling bloated in the evenings.

What's different this time: I already feel like I'm showing a bit, last time it wasn't until much later. As I look at my photo, I realize that to anyone else, I don't look like I'm showing, but my belly is for sure bigger than it was pre-pregnancy. I feel more excited about the pregnancy than I did at this point last time - last time I really wasn't excited until after the 20 week ultrasound. I still am not going to buy anything until after that or start any sort of preparations, but I feel excited about adding another child to our family.

Cravings: Captain Crunch Berries, but that's not really different from pre-pregnancy.

Aversions: I really just stay away from anything that doesn't sound good to me. Burgers really haven't been doing it for me lately, which is sad.

Sleep: As I mentioned, still waking up to pee. I lay there awake for a lot of the night but am still functioning during the day.

I am loving: Being out in the open! I still won't talk about it to random acquaintances that I might interact with again, such as coworkers I don't see often (other than those who read this blog), but it's really awesome to be able to be open about such a huge part of my life.

I miss: The ability to stay up past 10pm and enjoy myself.

I am looking forward to: Being officially out of the first trimester in a bit (now? in a week? in 2 weeks? who knows, every book/website/doctor seems to disagree, so I just go with 14 weeks to be safe), going to Arizona with my college friends in a MONTH, and fall! Lots to look forward to.

I'm spazzing about: What kind of double stroller we should get. MUCH more on this one later, I'm sure. (yeah, so that really means - not much to spaz about this week)

Best thing about this week: Hearing the heartbeat at the midwife (even though it took her like 2 minutes and a 2nd doppler to find it - little bugger was swimming around like crazy and of course I freaked out and definitely cried when she finally found it) and coming out on the blog, of course! I obviously LOVE comments, as does any blogger, so it's great to feel the love out there when normally most of you all are so quiet :)

Milestones: 12 weeks, while still probably technically in the first trimester, feels huge to me. Literally and figuratively - I am going to need to bust out the bella band soon with the pants. I have a hairband in my purse today that was MEANT for my hair, but will actually hold my pants closed because the button is already hurting me at 8am. In my defense, they WERE just in the dryer...

Movement: Nothing. I had an anterior placenta last time and didn't feel Annie move until about 20+ weeks, so I'm hoping for earlier this time!

Exercise: Was a solo parent for a lot of the weekend, and walked to a few far away food trucks at lunch and at the Irish Fair yesterday, so there's my exercise! I started looking into prenatal yoga - I think I'm going to go to Blooma this time around. I haven't done yoga since I was pregnant with Annie, so I'm just a wee bit out of practice...

Diet: Fine, pretty much normal. Which isn't to say it's great, but I'm eating fairly balanced meals.

That other kid

Oh yeah, her - our number one - she's still been doing some fun stuff lately too, I guess! I briefly pause the pregnancy posts to keep everyone up to date on our happenings the past few weeks. I have gone from bad to worse about actually bringing my nice camera with me on outings - I did bring it when we went to the zoo, but that's it. I've gotten horribly lazy when it comes to photography lately. For example, my camera has needed to be fixed/cleaned since MEXICO - yeah, that was 6 months ago. It's still obviously usable, but wow, that's lazy.

I guess I'll start 2 weeks ago, with Annie's 18 month doc appointment. All was well - I felt very gratified to be able to check off everything on the development checklist up until 2 except "runs" which I am FINE leaving blank for now :) Annie remains a tiny peanut, topping the scales at 21lbs, 6oz (that's a whopping 7oz weight gain in 3 months people - 11%), height is 31.25in (38%), and her head is 18.5in (64%). Doc was unconcerned about anything, and we kept up our tradition (3 times now!) of going to Leaning Tower of Pizza after the visit.

Watching SportsCenter

Last weekend, we took our first visit as a family to the Minnesota Zoo, a mere mile away from my parents' house. We decided to get a membership, since those places make it worth it if you go even 3 times. Given it's proximity to the grandparents, I figure we'll be back. Annie loved it. Predictably, her favorite part was the splash pad, even though we couldn't let her go crazy since I didn't know it existed and thus did not pack a swimsuit. We had a great time, but even after only 3 hours, I was EXHAUSTED.

Annie was a wee bit frightened of the goats :)

Other snapshots from last week...

Visited a park with Laura and Nathan

Looking cute at home

Just lounging

Hung out with the grandparents when we shared our baby news

Shirtless watermelon

Annie's been loving her pound and roll tower lately!

This weekend, we were originally supposed to all go up to the cabin again, but since we couldn't take Friday off, I decided I'd rather just stay home with Annie versus leaving Friday night and having Annie NOT sleep in the car, and coming back on Sunday again with only a 45 minute "car nap" - plus packing all her crap.... quick weekends away just aren't what they used to be pre-toddler! We still managed to have fun though...

Started off the day on Saturday at the Children's Museum with Nate, Molly, Mia, Allison and MJ

I forced Annie to go in here but she was NOT pleased about it..... maybe next time!

Mia and MJ loved the hand dryer... Annie, not so much

Spray art on the rooftop - Annie refused to wear a smock

We also ventured next door for a little gathering featuring many tiny tots

After Ben got home today, I made him go to the Irish Fair in downtown St. Paul - I say "made" because Ben hates festivals, and crowds, and really most people, but I'm glad he appeased me :)

We found a nice spot in the shade and listened to the music at the main stage for awhile

Then got some food - Annie sampled Ben's pork and my fish and chips in addition to her PB&J

and had fun dancing to the music with dad - a very fun evening!