I remember back in the days between 3-11 months - Annie literally would go to sleep in an instant, and stay silent, all night long. Literally all night. I held my breath for MONTHS - thinking, oh I've heard about sleep regressions at 4 months, 9 months, etc - never happened to her. So I thought we were pretty much golden. NOPE! When I review Annie's monthly letters, it seems this started right around when she turned one. So 4 long months now without good sleep.
The "issue" (if you could call it that - again, I know it could be worse) is that she cries out at night, usually more than once, and sometimes as many as 10 times (like last Friday). A lot of the time, these are cries lasting less than 10 seconds, but sometimes it's longer. Usually we do go in there if she's crying for more than maybe 5 minutes - we can see if she's laying down, and she almost always is - if she's sitting up we'll go in there. I don't know if this is the wrong thing to do, but it's just so baffling. A lot of the times, she doesn't even want to be held, and in fact that pisses her off MORE. Sometimes she immediately goes back to sleep the second we put her BACK in the crib, which makes me feel AWESOME as a mother, but other times she's still crying a bit. Seriously. I have NO. IDEA. WHY. I would say she cries out at night at least 80% of the time, and probably 40% of the nights require one of us to go in there at least once. The last few nights have been particularly bad, hence this post. Usually SHE is fine, but WE (and especially ME) have a really hard time falling back to sleep after these little episodes.
It also seems to be taking her a lot longer to fall asleep - she used to just roll over and be out, but some nights it's taken her more than an hour to fall asleep, despite her yawning and rubbing her eyes. We have been putting her to bed slightly later, but she almost always is ACTING tired at bedtime, and lays right down and sucks her thumb when we put her in. When she cries, we'll try going in there and holding her, and then she's just awake and fine for a few minutes, but then will point at the crib. Then, more wiggling around and some cries for a LONG time (never too upset though). Oh it is tiring. Naps are super short right now too - sometimes not even an hour, and then she's still laying down, kind of sleeping but crying a bit too.
Obviously there are a whole host of things this COULD be - teething (she's probably getting her molars - I can never seem to get a good look), nightmares, separation anxiety, too cold/hot, etc. The probable reason and what it seems like to me? She's awake and just pissed off that she's not asleep, but can't get back to sleep fast enough for her liking. I certainly can relate. Hopefully soon she learns to suffer in silence like the rest of us, because seriously, child. If you don't want us to come in there? THEN BE QUIET.
We have had the same bedtime routine since she was 2 months old, she has a blanket and a stuffed animal that she usually ignores, blackout shades, white noise, she sucks her thumb so she shouldn't need or want a paci, tylenol seems to have no effect... so yeah. No idea.
Thankfully she's USUALLY pretty happy when she's awake, but she's been having some major meltdowns lately, too. Mostly at home, of course. Clinginess has gone up too, which I've seen and heard can happen more after a kid starts really walking.
This is what's going through my head on repeat: this too shall pass (please, please, please) Also? I really just want to read this book to her some nights.
12 comments:
When The Rooman wakes up crying (happens occasionally, certainly not as frequently as Annie) we ignore him until he goes back to sleep. The only time I have ever gone in there is when he had a fever and I wanted to make sure he wasn't scorching hot.
He's been sleeping even longer lately but he's been staying up a bit later than his 7:00 (on the dot) bedtime. We've been trying to do things outside in the last few days and thus his eating has been later and thus we aren't giving him a bottle until after 6:30. I personally want to push him later at night simply because I like to do things when it's light out but my wife doesn't seem too interested in that.
Good luck w/Annie's recent sleep changes. I hope it gets better for everyone!
Coming off a year with an awful sleeper I can only say that I am SO SORRY you guys are dealing with this. At least we were sort of mentally resigned, but I can imagine how crazy I would go is he HAD been sleeping and then went for the 10+ wake ups. Ugh.
Having had a horrible sleeper though, I have read basically every sleep book out there. I think generally how to decide to deal with her wakings is really a matter of personal preference. All the books say that when kids start really walking, they become freaks for a little while because they are feeling less secure and need more reassurance. Their brains are working harder and don't stay out through those brief periods of near-waking (about every 45 minutes). What I have read says that they do legitimately probably benefit from reassurance, but not necessarily from full fledged comforting.
This is totally armchair parenting and YOU know what is best for Annie, but if it were me, I think I would do exactly what you are doing except not pick her up unless she was flipping out so badly that she was sobbing. Otherwise maybe just stand by the door and shush or sing or talk or something. Give her the chance to settle herself with a little cheerleading.
Hang in there! You are so right that this too shall pass. When they are teenagers and sleeping until noon we can walk into their rooms and start sobbing for fun. :)
Thanks for the comments - funny thing is, I too have read probably 5 sleep books - they were always fun for me to read while pumping for some reason :) Just never needed to actually USE the advice for night wakings until now!
To be honest, we go in there so much for our OWN benefit - I love the times when she will fall asleep on my shoulder, but those are becoming more and more rare. Last night we didn't have to go in there at all - she went back to sleep within 5 minutes each time. I think she woke up maybe twice? I am a bit hazy on the details today. So it does seem ignoring might be the best for her - she seems to not get worked up by crying too much, but instead winds down that way. Which is annoying for everyone else in the house, so hopefully she outgrows that soon!
Oh, and Maggie - your last line totally cracked me up :) The thought is hilarious, and I SO plan to do that. Hopefully I remember that in 13 years!
Sounds like the molars to me----and a phase for sure. Everything is a phase, right? Hang in there mama, you are doing your best!
Sleep issues suck!!! I have no advice, just wanted to commiserate. :)
Ohh sleep sleep sleep. The eternal mystery. This has been, by far, the most baffling aspect of parenting to me. The only thing you can hook your sanity to is the knowledge that every weird sleep issue seems to be just a phase...
I'm happy to say that Dean has finally started sleeping longer at night. For months he would wake up crying/screaming at 1:30 or so. I'd check on him and he'd fall back until 4:00 when my wife would nurse him.
Last week we started incorporating more whole milk into his day, and we also changed his bedtime routine a little bit. Now he sleeps from bedtime at 7 till about 4 or 5, when my wife nurses him and he falls back asleep till 7 or so.
We still need to try to wean off of that nursing, but we are so happy he seems to be over the earlier waking.
Knock on wood.
I feel your pain! My daughter is 18 months and she sleeps from 8-9 pm to 630-8 am. Some nights she never wakes and others she is up multiple times. The worst is the occassional night where it takes almost 2 hours to get her back to sleep. On those nights, I try to reassure her and then put her back down. She starts crying immediately. I leave the room and try to wait 15 minutes before going back and she cries the entire time. On those nights, we all feel awful. We hate hearing her so upset but nothing seems to work. I remind myself all the time that it is just a phase!
Julia, Kristal, Erin - thanks for the commiseration :)
Moe - Awesome that Dean is sleeping better! Hopefully he drops that feeding on his own once he starts packing in the calories during the day... it's always easier than having to force some kind of change on them, that's for sure.
Katie - ugh - 2 hours?! Man, that would be horrible. I'm glad it doesn't happen that often for you guys!! Thankfully the 10+ wakeup nights are VERY few and far between... but when they do happen, they just really suck.
Oh man. Sleep issues suck. Luckily we haven't been dealing with night waking since we did Ferber at 9.5 months. She has had a few night wakings, but they are generally teeth related, and a one night here or there thing.
I do wish we could lengthen the sleep times though! She usually takes short naps and never sleeps more than 10 hours at night. I'm fine with one or the other, but both? Come on.
Hopefully it is just the molars, and maybe by the time these kids are 3 they will sleep great right? Oh but then there is potty training, and transitioning to a toddler bed... F. We're screwed :o).
We have been here too... and it always goes away. There was a 2 week span a few months ago where she would scream - horrible screeching, blood-curdling scream. She would go back to sleep pretty quickly - before my heart was able to return to a normal pace. But I was up for a while calming down.
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