Baby Must Haves - Answers, Part 8

Another question I'm so thankful for, because I've been meaning to post about this for awhile! Writing this also made me realize I have a draft that I started, oh, a year ago, on my pregnancy must-haves. Would this be of interest to anyone? If so I can finish it up and post it. Feels a little ridiculous now since it's been so long, but might be useful to someone! Again - any more questions, add them to this post. To spice this post up, I'll add some vintage Annie photos. (side note: look at my teeny tiny little baby! I can barely handle it)

Maggie asked: I'm pregnant and working on our baby registry. Anything you recommend we do (or don't) register for? What are your favorite baby products?

This is going to be a long one. If you haven't already guessed, I LOVE giving people advice. That is basically what I do for a living, but my love is not just limited to giving career advice. I'll basically talk anyone's ear off about ANYTHING that I have experience with - in this case, having a baby! I'm going to start off with some general advice for new parents (probably more geared to moms, but applicable to everyone), then my top baby items that aren't usually on "must have" lists, and finish with things that you can skip.

Advice for new parents

1. MOST IMPORTANTLY - Every single baby, AND parent is different. So basically this is the caveat to take this whole post with a giant grain of salt, because what worked for me and Annie will not work for everyone! There are some things that I believe to always be true, but they are VERY few and far between. Also - I had a normal pregnancy and birth and a healthy child, which colors most of my opinions on this subject.

2. Find a new mom support network. Doesn't matter how you do it - it can be an online message board, a group of "blog buddies", people you know in real life with similar age babies. Make sure these people are actual new moms - not just moms in general. The newborn time fades FAST - that's why people can do this more than once. Even talking to moms with kids as young as 5 months old is VASTLY different than what you will be experiencing with a newborn. I joined a "Mom and Baby" group at my hospital - almost all big hospitals have some kind of parent education, which typically includes a class for new moms. We met once a week for something like 6 weeks, and it was only for moms with babies under 4 months old, but in reality the babies ranged from 3 weeks old and 8 weeks old when we started. It's crazy how that range felt huge at first but now seems like nothing. The newborn phase is hard for most moms, so it is crucial to have someone else to talk to about it that is also going through it with you! If you have any sort of special circumstances, like a preemie, or a baby with a unique health issue, the same applies - find someone going through the same thing to talk to about it if you can.

3. Your life won't suck forever, also known as "this too shall pass". This isn't meant to scare anyone, but I HATED the newborn phase. There was very little that I liked about it at all. I didn't feel that sense of bliss or euphoria right when Annie was born, as some people do, but I clung to the hope that it would get better, as everyone reassured me it would. How it went for me was, it got tolerable (around 6 weeks), and then it got pretty good (around 3 months), and then it was amazing, most of the time (6+ months). That will be your new normal. If you don't feel like you love your baby right away (other than a sense of obligation to care for their needs, of course), don't worry. It will come. I really think it took me probably a full month to actually feel like I truly loved Annie. This is TOTALLY NORMAL. After all, you didn't even KNOW this person before, and... let's be honest. It's not like they are doing a whole lot to win you over in those first few weeks. I distinctly remember breaking down quite a few times wondering why we ruined our amazing and perfect life by having a baby, and wondering if we would EVER be able to leave the house without a sense of dread again. Those first 6 weeks or so felt like an eternity to me - of course it wasn't ALL bad, but the hormones, sleep deprivation, and the uncertainty of it all... just not fun. But really and truly, it will pass, it will get better. That being said - if you don't feel like it's getting better, and you are feeling worse than what I described, there is no shame in talking to a health professional about it to get the help you need. Oh, and just smile and nod at all the people that tell you to "enjoy every moment".

Really just wanted to take a nap

I have much more I could say on this subject, but I'll leave it at that for now!

Favorite Baby Products
There are a zillion baby registry must have lists. One of my favorites is this one, although I don't necessarily agree on everything she recommends (but in general, I do love her advice column!). I know this sounds condescending, and I HATED hearing it when I was pregnant, but truly - a newborn needs very little other than a boob/bottle, diapers, clothes, and a place to sleep. These items here are things that we have truly found very helpful in the past 14 months - no, they are not essential, but yet they are awesome. These items aren't on many lists, which is why I include them here. There were a lot of things we used and loved that are on tons of those lists - like the boppy, Ergo, swing, bouncy chair, cloth diapers as burp cloths - but you can probably figure that out from the other lists so I didn't list them here.

1. iPhone. Bet you didn't see that one coming, huh? How do I love my iPhone - let me count the ways. I love it for travel, I love it for meal planning, AND I love it for using with a newborn. I talked a bit about this when Annie was 2 weeks old. It is awesome to have something you can easily hold in one hand to read through while nursing, especially if you have a lazy nurser like Annie was a lot of the time in the beginning. I read books on the kindle app, blogs on my Google Reader, message boards, twitter, facebook, and more. Of course I spent a lot of time nursing just staring at Annie, and eventually came to cherish our nursing time together for NOT looking at technology, but at first, 45 minutes a time 8+ times a day, much of the time Annie's eyes not even remotely looking at me, I needing something to occupy my brain. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL - I also used the Total Baby app to track her feedings, which helped me remember what side I left off on nursing, and to track her diapers for a few weeks, and her weight/height (which I still do now), and any other notes I wanted to remember to bring up with a doctor. We also used the blessed White Noise app more times than I could even count - newborns love white noise, and it calmed Annie down when nothing else would. I also use this one anytime I am sleeping away from home and don't have access to my fan. And, AND!! Probably most importantly - you can easily and quickly take photos and videos at a moments notice. My iPhone 4 takes HD video, and the photos are surprisingly high quality. Yes, I obviously love my DSLR for most purposes, but sometimes you just need to capture a moment quickly and it's SO nice to have your phone there for all those times. You can then really quickly zip it off to grandparents, and they can feel updated on baby even though they aren't physically there all the time. I know a smartphone isn't an option for everyone, obviously, but if you are on the fence and are also thinking of getting a nicer video camera or other such gadgets, it might be worth the splurge.

2. Video monitor. We have this one. Note for people in close neighborhoods - if you have the same monitor as your neighbors, you WILL be able to see/hear their child and they can hear yours. We didn't get this until Annie started sleeping in her crib when she was around 2 months old, and it has been invaluable to us, primarily because our bedroom is not on the same floor as Annie's. Even if we were right next door, honestly, I'd still love it. It basically makes it so you can tell if you actually need to go in there or not when your baby is crying or just making noise. There are many times when Annie is crying but is still laying down and is calming down, which we know means that she really doesn't want us to come in. If she's sitting or standing and screaming, we know to go in there. It's also peace of mind for anxious people - surprisingly, I never got too fearful of SIDS, but many are and a video monitor can be a real comfort to them. Plus, you don't need cable since you can just sit there and watch your baby sleep, which is basically the most calming thing ever. It is HILARIOUS to see all the random positions Annie gets herself into!

3. Spill catching placemat and portable high chair. We have this placemat. This is on the list I linked to above, but it deserves mentioning again. As you may have guessed based on our other blog, we love going out to eat. We use this placemat everywhere we go with Annie, and have gotten tons of comments from servers and other patrons on how helpful it is. It rolls up and fits in the diaper bag, wipes off easily, suctions to the table, and just contains the mess. We also use it at other people's houses too. We also have a cheapo clip on high chair that has been super helpful useful at restaurants with booths and limited high chairs, and at friends' houses. Our neighbors have even gotten by without a high chair completely and only use the clip on one, which is definitely doable if you have limited space. They don't always clip on to every table depending on the design, but work on most restaurant tables.

(it's comical to me that we strapped Annie in here - as if she could have gotten out??!)

4. Hands-free pumping bra. I have this one. You can wait until you know that breastfeeding is working out for you, but if you plan to pump with any kind of regularity, just make the investment in a hands free bra. Best $30 I ever spent. Once I had it, I was super pissed I hadn't just gotten it earlier. You can rig up your own hands free system with a sports bra by cutting holes in it, but I wanted something that I could just put on easily without completely disrobing at work. Now, I guess I don't know if I would put that on my registry or anything, but it is something that I'd definitely suggest getting.

5. A FEW parenting books. It's hard to figure out what kind of parent you'll be before you are one, but there are a few books that are helpful to any kind of parent. I heard a lot of people telling me to just "trust my instincts" - but uh... I really had no instincts. I had NO clue what I was doing. Sometimes I still don't! So, it's ok to pick and choose from parenting books to figure out what will work best for you. It's a whole lot of trial and error. That's why kids don't really have memories until they are 3 anyway :)

Happiest Baby on the Block has been a lifesaver to MANY - it's a quick read that's worthwhile before your baby even gets here. It's basically advice to calm and quiet your baby in the first 12 weeks. If you don't like to read, just look it up on youtube for a quick explanation.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was one that I enjoyed because it gave a lot of information on the biology of sleep needs, and gave advice for people with different parenting philosophies, basically surrounding the amount of crying you were comfortable with.

The Baby Whisperer was also a really awesome book because it helped me to figure out a very simple routine (not schedule) that worked for us, and was great at giving really concrete examples of why babies might be crying, and what sleepy cues to look for.

I learned so much from those three books that I honestly would have had NO clue about. For example, I knew babies were supposed to sleep, and eat - but I kind of figured that if they wanted to sleep, they just... shut their eyes and went to sleep. Ha. If only! One of the best things I learned a few weeks into Annie's life (from Mom & Baby class) was that newborns less than 3-4 months old really shouldn't be AWAKE for more than 2 hours at a time - if they are, they are probably overtired and won't fall asleep as easily. That little tip was a game changer for me!

Things to skip

I went really bare bones with our registry. I think I maybe had a total of 50 items on our 3 registries (Target, Babies R Us, and Amazon) because I truly did not want a lot of junk in our tiny house, and I wanted to get things that we REALLY needed. I also stuck to only things we needed immediately, so I didn't register for anything for feeding, or a high chair, or any big toys.

1. Toys. First of all, you don't need to have these on your registry, because people inevitably will get them for you. Also, I have found that less really is more when it comes to toys. The best toy that we have is still the stacking cups. I got them for Annie when she figured out how to sit up, and she still uses them today. For some reason, I felt so rushed to try to get Annie to "play" - I wanted her to be entertained by SOMETHING. What I didn't realize was that just being was entertaining to her. Infants don't even realize their hands are attached to their bodies, much less that they can use them for anything, for quite some time. I figured this out around maybe 2-3 months and didn't have as many toys around Annie after that, and she was much happier. It is really easy for a baby to get overstimulated, and then to grow to expect that level of stimulation in the future. The less you give them, the more they figure out how to do with less. This was advice I got from a few of the aforementioned books, and from this article, which really resonated with me. I still try to only have a few toys out for Annie, and to rotate them out from the basement if she seems to want a change. She always figures out something to do, even with no toys out at all - some of her favorites are still opening and closing the steamer basket and the tupperware drawer.

2. Carseat accessories (especially covers like the BundleMe). As I mentioned in this post, you aren't supposed to use ANYTHING between the straps of the carseat and the child that didn't come with the carseat itself or you void the warranty of your seat, meaning that it won't work the way it was designed to in a crash. So this also includes newborn headrests or inserts. I never felt we needed either - our carseat (Graco Snugride 32) came with a removable infant headrest, so we used that for awhile. We just threw a blanket over the carseat when we were going anywhere, and that worked just fine. You'll get a million of those anyway - might as well use them for something!

3. Bottle warmer/sterilizer. I say this as a primarily breastfeeding mama, but we never felt like we needed a bottle warmer. We just used a cup with hot water and put the bottle in that for a bit. Some probably think it is a lifesaver, but hold off until you figure out if you feel you need it. Some babies will take their bottles cold, and if you can get your baby to do that right away - all the better for everyone! As for a sterilizer, I'm pretty much the opposite of a germophobe. We sterilized bottles/pump parts in boiling water once when we got them, then just washed them normally after that.

(yeah, not really related, but one of my favorite photos - who could forget Annie's first Twins experience?!)

4. Travel systems. I know some people have them and they are alright, but usually the stroller that comes with these combos isn't that great, and is pretty bulky and expensive. We got a carseat, and then a snap n go for when Annie was little. This was a much better option for us because the snap n go is lightweight and fits better in the car, and also fits better wherever you are taking it too (mall, restaurant, doctor's office, etc). It's also cheaper. One note about the snap n go - make sure the carseat you want actually SNAPS in, because not all do - that was really important to me, and one of the reasons we went with a Snugride and the Graco specific snap n go. We then got the stroller we wanted for the long haul to use as soon as Annie could sit upright better. We ended up getting a jogging stroller, which I LOVE because of the bigger, sturdier wheels. We only have these 2 strollers and have never felt the need to get another one. Our particular jogging stroller (Baby Jogger City Classic) was discontinued, but I've heard good things about the BOB Revolution. These are GREAT items to find on craigslist because they are so expensive.

5. Bumbo/Exersaucer/Jumperoo. With this one, I feel the need to again reiterate that this is only my opinion and what worked for us. Especially after reading this article, and the other one I mentioned about in the "toys" section, I really decided to basically have Annie just on the floor, instead of in any sort of equipment. One of the main reasons was because I KNEW Annie was in a jumperoo a LOT of the time at daycare, and I wanted to make sure she had plenty of time to practice her motor skills on her own, to learn to crawl, to sit herself up, etc. In general, there seems to be such a huge rush amongst parents (myself included) to rush to that next stage of sitting, standing, walking, etc. They will get there eventually, and you can never go back to those times when they ARE happy just laying on a blanket staring at leaves on the trees! Some babies can have a really difficult time with transitional movements (sitting themselves up, sitting back down from pulling up, crawling) if they are always put in positions before they can get there on their own - for example, a baby can almost always sit up before they can sit THEMSELVES up, and then they pretty much get used to sitting and get pissed if they are just put on the floor on their back or tummy, and might be a bit delayed learning to crawl - not a huge deal, but can cause a lot of frustration on the part of the baby, and thus the parents. Another reason I'm not a fan of jumperoos/exersaucers is because we have a tiny house - the last thing I wanted was a huge plastic toy taking up lots of space in our living room, so this was an easy decision to make. A lot of people use jumperoos/exersaucers as a way to contain a baby after they can move a bit - I never felt the need to do that, probably because of the tiny house - I could always see/hear her no matter where we were. You might find that around 6 months you really feel like one of these would be useful to your situation - hop on craigslist, and I guarantee you'll be able to find one super cheap immediately. (We did have one a friend lent us, but it was in our basement and we only actually used it maybe 3 times total)

We did get a bumbo type seat that a friend had highly recommended, but Annie always just looked uncomfortable in it or cried when we used it before she could sit up. It WAS a good portable seat to use to feed solids in right away (after she could sit independently), and now we're using it sometimes as a booster seat, so I do like it for that, but don't think you need it early on.

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Well, now that I've written a novel, I'd love to hear what others think about this question!