Answers, Part 5

Here we go with some of the JUICIEST questions I got - again, ask away if after all of this you STILL have a question :)

Anonymous asked: This is GREAT. I like Janelle's questions.

Here are some questions you may be unlikely to answer:
Hello Anonymous - you asked some tough, great questions! If you dare, tell me who you are! I'm very curious :) I'm sure Janelle will like hearing that you liked her questions! I hope you also were satisfied with the answers. Although of course now after discussing with Janelle today, I want to amend some of them, but I will let it be.

1=How has sex before/after baby changed? Frequency? Interest?
My mom, and really, entire family is REALLY looking forward to my answer to this one of course :) This isn't something I talk about much, on the blog or in real life. I'm fine with some things remaining private, despite how open I am! All I will say is that it's pretty much the same. Interest level on my part did go up after I was done breastfeeding. I totally understand wanting to know more about this topic - I'd recommend checking out message boards if you are interested in reading more about sex life post-baby - thebump and Baby Center both have tons of message boards - do a search and I'm guessing you'll find a ton of posts! Also, The Heir to Blair covers this topic quite a bit.

2=What do you judge people most about?
Everyone who knows me in real life is probably laughing at this question, because the better way of putting it is: what DON'T I judge people about? Yes, it's true - I'm a judger. I prefer to call it "being opinionated" though, because that sounds a lot better. I try not to let my judginess actually impact my relationships with people. I can internally (or externally, but just to close friends/family/anyone who agrees with me) judge people but yet know that it's not my business what they do with their life and let it go. If I am FORCED to choose one measly thing for this question, it's probably people complaining repeatedly (like more than, say, 4 times) about a situation that they can easily change if they put a little effort behind it. I have very little patience for that. It's especially maddening when you know that THEY know EXACTLY what to do to make the situation better, they just don't do it. Now, I can be just about as lazy as they come, so I understand a few complaints about things you don't feel like changing yet, but after awhile, I'm so over it.

3=Is there a child you are jealous of or wish Annie was more like?
Interesting question. I've talked about this with Ben a lot since you asked, and we both agree that there really isn't ONE child that we wish Annie was more like, but in general I often feel a pang of jealousy any time I hear about a kid that's developing on the earlier end of the spectrum in communication or gross motor skills, and especially both - just because it seems that those parents don't need to worry or be anxious about their child's development, they never even need to think about it because the mythical boxes have been checked. However, I KNOW that with early development comes a whole host of other parenting issues, like chasing after a running 10 month old who has no regard for things that could potentially be dangerous. The funny thing is that I know what that's like - for the first half of her life, Annie was an early developer - she was way ahead of all the other babies in our Mom and Baby group with rolling, sleeping, sitting, crawling, babbling, and now she's just taking her sweet time. And it was easy, and I did feel a sense of pride that she was doing things that other babies weren't yet, as dumb as that is.

There is so much that is wonderful about Annie, and really so little that I can even complain about at all. Really nothing. If my biggest worry is that she isn't walking yet, despite clearly having the physical capability to do so? Or that she's only saying a small handful of words, sometimes, instead of... more? Well, I know I've got it pretty dang good. So no, there isn't a specific child that I'm jealous of. I will say, sometimes I hate reading blogs where people ONLY talk about the good moments their child has because then that kid seems perfect, but I know that is never the case. Even kids that I previously thought were perfect angels all the time, I now see that they aren't. EVERY kid has their whiny, annoying moments (just like adults! Who knew), so I'll take my own kid's whiny, annoying moments any day :)

4=If you could change one thing about your husband what would it be?
I'd make him have a clean shaven face every day. Ben has the same strange obsession with growing facial hair than many other men do, and I really can't stand it. I don't like how it looks or feels, or really anything about it. We've gotten into arguments about it, and neither side is logical. So yeah, that's what I'd change. I'd also eliminate the dumb jokes. I try just pretending I don't hear him, but that doesn't seem to be working yet :)

5=When was the last time you lied to someone?
I really can't even remember. I'm honest to a fault sometimes, so I really don't ever feel the need to lie. I certainly did my fair share of lying in the past, and it usually only got me in trouble or made me feel ridiculously guilty, so I don't do much of it anymore unless it's something pretty harmless or I'm lying to protect someone's privacy.

6=What are your insecurities?
As you can probably tell, I do get really insecure about Annie's development and if I'm doing the right things as a mother. I REALLY try to always believe in natural motor and language development, but then I struggle with what my role SHOULD be - with everything else so far, we've taken a pretty hands off approach by not showing Annie how to do things and letting her discover them for herself. So far it's been working, but I never know how to balance between being a teacher and being an observer. Sometimes I think to myself, will Annie know that a cow says moo if I don't TEACH her?! Is she not walking because of my bad genes?? After all, I can barely be bothered to get up off the couch from 7-10pm, and sometimes am even too lazy to get up and get ready to go to bed. And then I laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. I've written about this before, but in general I think the best thing I can do throughout her life is show her that I love, respect and trust her and let her do things at her own pace. I also try to repeat to myself ALWAYS - CHILDHOOD ISN'T A RACE. But it's easier said than done! It's only going to get harder too - the things I want to teach Annie are how to be kind, helpful, happy and respectful, and hoo boy.... I don't have a CLUE how to do that, so I'll just try to be a good role model for her and hope for the best.

In terms of things other than being a mother (sometimes I forget that those things exist), I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin at this point in my life. If we're talking about physical insecurities, I'm not a big fan of the cellulite on my thighs, but I've figured out how to work with it. I could also do without the adult acne, but it's nothing a good concealer can't help out.

7=who do you wish you could blog about but don't or can't because of a possible fall out?
My general rule is that I would never write anything on here that I wouldn't say to a person's face. This is not a space for me to blog about things that I don't want out in the open. There definitely aren't PEOPLE I wish I could blog about. I've got wonderful people in my life, and plenty of opportunities to vent about things, so this blog doesn't need to be that for me. Sometimes I do wish I could write more openly about parenting choices that I believe in, but it's a fine line to walk without offending someone, so I usually choose not to, or try to do so in a respectful way. It's hard because I have obviously made the choices I have made because I DO think they are right, but that doesn't mean that everything else is WRONG. If there's anything I've learned in this past year plus as a mother is that very few things are truly black and white.